Feel like i've not written a proper blog in ages, and i've been saying that i need to write some shizzle about what i've been up to etc .... which if i am completely honest hasn't been that much really - i'm turning into a right bore of late & feel like i've just been working working working with some Gym thrown in for good measure.
Ok well then maybe thats not all i've been doing but it actually feels like that right now.
Currently I am not watching the Brit Awards, slightly fuming that its on at the same time as Big Fat Gypsy Wedding to be honest like i can't quite believe it clashes, but i have been religiously watching the gypsys for my own wedding inspiration ...... Yes okay i'm joking, but I am defo going to Appleby 2011 - someone must want to grab me surely?!
Right so what have i actually been doing - well i am morphing into part of the fixtures and fittings of David Lloyd - I am spending 5 days out of 7 down there and if i'm honest, i'm not really seeing the results as yet, however i am well aware that rome wasn't built in a day & if you saw the photos that i made Emma take of me 3 weeks ago you would understand that i am very much a work in progress .... However i've made a lot of positive changes to my lifestyle, as i said i would at the start for this year ... Most people go on that whole i'm on a january detox i did say that it wasn't like that for me, i am on a lifestyle change .... and i can honestly say its been the easiest thing i've ever done ..... This year so far i've given up drinking like a fish, staying out all weekend with no sleep, crisps & just generally eating badly ..... I'm not saying i'm perfect because there is sa lot of room still to make more changes but i feel like i am on the right path to hit 30 and look and feel better than ever before.
However, i am not an angel and i still managed to go out Sunday and show exactly how over qualified i really am for a starring role in Booze Britain .... its okay though as i've spoken to my PT this evening and he's explained to me that drinking once a month is absolutely fine he even actually said to me just make sure you get totally bladdered ...... So once a month it is then! hahaha
Oh yeah the date i was going on, well he's not around still as is busy with work etc but i think he's home at the weekend which means ive gotta make my mind up .... but how funny is this, theres this other bloke who i royally, and i mean royally messed around over the summer last year and if i'm honest i don't really know why i really messed him around when i look back on it now, because he was nothing but nice to me ... Well anyways after reading the section in company magazine about dating and how even bad dates are good i think ive decided that i'm gonna defo go out with no1 .... and weirdly the bloke i messed around last year i've also decided i want to go out with him too ..... i was really bored at work last monday, and i've got him on my msn, so for once in like about 8 months i logged in and decided to talk to him and say hello - i would of actually text him if i didnt lose his number when i broke my phone but couldn't ... anyways sure as eggs are eggs he gave me his number again ... i've not seen/spoken to him since last august & for some strange reason he's still as keen to actually take me out ... Well he was, and i rang him up for a chat the other ight and we agreed to go out last friday, which actually never happened, we had to reschedule it as he had to work ... Yep yet another music / industry type (when will i ever bloody learn) and no before anyone asks i didn't get moody or peeved about it because unlike most i can accept that duty calls and sometimes you can't help it ..... So we've rescheduled ... but since then he's done a really (and i mean really) terrific (god i love that word) job of making me want to text him by being 'busy' most of the time ....... My natural stubborn streak won't give in ... but seriously hats off to the chap for getting me interested by playing me at my own game!!!
Valentines Day ............. what a croc of shite! for the record though i had THE best valentines day ever - woke up without a hangover, which i clearly deserved to actually have, work went off without a hitch, i had a brilliant work out down the Gym & then 2 of my girls both come over and we all had dinner together, however they come over because their divvy boyfriends managed to ruin Valentines Day for them by just being unthoughtful typical men. Personally i've never been a believer in Valentines .... I believe in the business brain behind it that rapes the consumer market and makes a lot of money ....but really do you need a specific day to make an effort to show someone that you love how you feel .... NO is the simple and short answer .... However i'm not gonna lie to you, i've always said to my previous boyfriends in regard to V-Day ... 'Save your money its my birthday in 7 weeks and i'd much rather you use the money for that to get me something better' .....
My friend Max has surprised everyone and flown home from Oz a few months early, he told me middle of last week and i was buzzing with excitement and bursting to tell everyone, but i was sworn to secrecy and i managed to hold it all in ... was the most random moment on sunday when i saw him tho i nearly suffocated him where i was cuddling him so much! totally smothered him!!! :-) it was a great day and he looks amazing and its brilliant to have him home, for however long that will be and that i can honestly say has been the highlight of the last 2 weeks for me as i literally haven't been out the house ..... Raving shoes are defo in for 're-heeling' currently!!!!!
Feeling REALLY REALLY happy right now, healthy body / healthy mind and i'm doing lots of work on things i want to do right now .... Stacy has told me I need to write more - not specifically about my life like in these blogs, but i was showing her some of the things i've written before, some which is fiction, some which is personal about stuff / events and some is just some PR Blurb ..... So i think i am going to do it - write more that is but i am going to start off with writing about things which make me feel uncomfortable .... Once i've tackled this, i might make it public viewing so if people are interested they can read it ............ The other thing i'm working on is my CIMA qualification ... its about time i actually stop dragging my sorry arse and get into gear with this, because it just makes sense ..............
Anyways, enough with the word vomit for one night, i think i've rambled enough! I'll have some more to write about i'm sure by the end of the week, as a little opportunity presented itself to me today and i'll probably be dying to tell you all about it by Saturday!
Happy Tuesday Boys and Girls
Love From ME! xxx
Tuesday, 15 February 2011
Thursday, 3 February 2011
Date Anyone?!
Right so this installant of my life this evening is about dating ...... because the thing is today I've been asked on one I think, and well typically I am sitting here in a right quandary about it, mainly because I am not entirely sure i want to go (which if I'm honest is a problem that seems to be consistent in my life)
So I've decided that I would try and explain what exactly goes through my head & what this exact situation with this bloke is all about.
Firstly can I just explain to you about this fella ..... I've sorta known him on and off bout 9 months, and well at the first instance i wasn't that keen then, but i knew he kinda was, but you know what its like the texting and calling like anything dies down - and in all honesty i am completely incapable of asking a man out - i will explain more about that later .... then i lose my phone and all the numbers with it, and i didn't actually save his number in the first place ..... So randomly 2 weeks ago i am in the gym and a whatsapp appears on my phone, i naturally respond 'who is this' and then the conversation starts, although i am still not really bothered but i'm just going to carry on talking as well i want to be polite you get me? Anyhow, as always these things kinda progress and he requests me back on facebook (previously deleted him during a huge friend cull) so i kinda think errrm ok i will accept you, but he's on complete lockdown - therefore not able to see any of my photos, because there are just some people i don't want to see all my photos on there, for very specific reasons ..... This bloke is older than me ( i know miracle right) and well when i think about some of the things i i like to do and places i go, i'm just not sure we have anything - and i mean anything really in common. But he's got a good job and obviously isn't a child, and built like a man should be ...... but something just isn't clicking in my head here people.
Anyway i'm side tracking i need to explain this whole lets go on a date thing - so from facebook, he's got my skype addy and added me there, so i accepted him and well he's spent considerable time talking to me on there, and in one of the first proper conversations in ages he explains that he has recently been 'dumped' - so naturally i ask 'how long was u together' blah blah blah, and he tells me 2 weeks .... 2 weeks?! are u actually fucking serious, anyway look who am i to judge - so i well humour the conversation ..... he explains to me that he is a bit gutted because he did quite like her quickly and all that, but as women often do, she just wasn't feeling it apparently..... So already in my head i'm think oh he's been dumped so what does he do, oh he makes contact with me .... Well please let me just say i do not play second fiddle or am anyone's second best everrrrr .... so i am already sceptical about the while thing, plus with not being 'sure' now he's asked me out today well i just don't know what to do.
So here's the thing ... is it right to go on a date with someone that your 'not sure' on in the hope that going on the date will make you like them, or is that a waste of both parties time ... because that's kinda what/how i think what is the point of going on a date with someone in the hope i might fancy them after? Surely you shouldn't have to force yourself to like someone?
I've got this firm belief you should immediately be attracted and fancy them immediately ....... there is zero point in wasting your time of your not sure because then you have to have that bloody awkward shall we go on a second date scenario and then i would have to say 'no'
On the other side of this though, what if my thoughts / beliefs are actually wrong ..... Please don't get me wrong, this particular guy could not be introduced to my friends, as there literally would be no common ground & i think its very important for any potentials to be alright fitting in where applicable with your mates, and also if i'm completely truthful I very much doubt i will be telling him some of the things i like to do, and have done previously, which can't be good .... As i can't really be myself ?! I hope i'm making sense with what i'm saying here.
In my life i have never been capable of actually asking anyone on a date myself, is this slightly strange? I'm not so sure, all my friends say if there's someone i want to go on a date with don't wait for them to ask, get in there first but honestly i don't think i handle rejection very well which is why i've never actually done it myself - i know this might seem a little strange coming from someone like me, but truthfully i am useless .... and well if i actually fancy someone god help myself, i turn into a 15 year old school girl and actually just end up basically being mates with everyone because that i find easy to do. The thing is too, i don't often really fancy someone or anyone actually manages to really get my attention - it happens very few and far between ..... Like everyone i love the thrill of the chase, and this might be a horrid thing to say and love life suicide but 'what if there's someone better' ALWAYS goes through my head .... Now considering i don't actually go on any dates really, i think i'm proving my own theory wrong ....... Perhaps i should just give someone a chance but in reality I don't seem to be able to do that .... and well I'm destined for a lonely life alone!!!!
I suppose it boils down to the fact that i do to this day believe when the right person asks me out on a date, i'll know ..... and what's the point in wasting time on the wrong ones, when i could be focusing on my life and achieving stuff and doing things i want to do until that time ........
BUT then again ........ what if i am totally wrong & if i could grow some balls and actually ask the one person out who's been sitting on my mind for a while now, perhaps there would be a completely different subject matter to write about ............
Now theres some food for thought!
x
So I've decided that I would try and explain what exactly goes through my head & what this exact situation with this bloke is all about.
Firstly can I just explain to you about this fella ..... I've sorta known him on and off bout 9 months, and well at the first instance i wasn't that keen then, but i knew he kinda was, but you know what its like the texting and calling like anything dies down - and in all honesty i am completely incapable of asking a man out - i will explain more about that later .... then i lose my phone and all the numbers with it, and i didn't actually save his number in the first place ..... So randomly 2 weeks ago i am in the gym and a whatsapp appears on my phone, i naturally respond 'who is this' and then the conversation starts, although i am still not really bothered but i'm just going to carry on talking as well i want to be polite you get me? Anyhow, as always these things kinda progress and he requests me back on facebook (previously deleted him during a huge friend cull) so i kinda think errrm ok i will accept you, but he's on complete lockdown - therefore not able to see any of my photos, because there are just some people i don't want to see all my photos on there, for very specific reasons ..... This bloke is older than me ( i know miracle right) and well when i think about some of the things i i like to do and places i go, i'm just not sure we have anything - and i mean anything really in common. But he's got a good job and obviously isn't a child, and built like a man should be ...... but something just isn't clicking in my head here people.
Anyway i'm side tracking i need to explain this whole lets go on a date thing - so from facebook, he's got my skype addy and added me there, so i accepted him and well he's spent considerable time talking to me on there, and in one of the first proper conversations in ages he explains that he has recently been 'dumped' - so naturally i ask 'how long was u together' blah blah blah, and he tells me 2 weeks .... 2 weeks?! are u actually fucking serious, anyway look who am i to judge - so i well humour the conversation ..... he explains to me that he is a bit gutted because he did quite like her quickly and all that, but as women often do, she just wasn't feeling it apparently..... So already in my head i'm think oh he's been dumped so what does he do, oh he makes contact with me .... Well please let me just say i do not play second fiddle or am anyone's second best everrrrr .... so i am already sceptical about the while thing, plus with not being 'sure' now he's asked me out today well i just don't know what to do.
So here's the thing ... is it right to go on a date with someone that your 'not sure' on in the hope that going on the date will make you like them, or is that a waste of both parties time ... because that's kinda what/how i think what is the point of going on a date with someone in the hope i might fancy them after? Surely you shouldn't have to force yourself to like someone?
I've got this firm belief you should immediately be attracted and fancy them immediately ....... there is zero point in wasting your time of your not sure because then you have to have that bloody awkward shall we go on a second date scenario and then i would have to say 'no'
On the other side of this though, what if my thoughts / beliefs are actually wrong ..... Please don't get me wrong, this particular guy could not be introduced to my friends, as there literally would be no common ground & i think its very important for any potentials to be alright fitting in where applicable with your mates, and also if i'm completely truthful I very much doubt i will be telling him some of the things i like to do, and have done previously, which can't be good .... As i can't really be myself ?! I hope i'm making sense with what i'm saying here.
In my life i have never been capable of actually asking anyone on a date myself, is this slightly strange? I'm not so sure, all my friends say if there's someone i want to go on a date with don't wait for them to ask, get in there first but honestly i don't think i handle rejection very well which is why i've never actually done it myself - i know this might seem a little strange coming from someone like me, but truthfully i am useless .... and well if i actually fancy someone god help myself, i turn into a 15 year old school girl and actually just end up basically being mates with everyone because that i find easy to do. The thing is too, i don't often really fancy someone or anyone actually manages to really get my attention - it happens very few and far between ..... Like everyone i love the thrill of the chase, and this might be a horrid thing to say and love life suicide but 'what if there's someone better' ALWAYS goes through my head .... Now considering i don't actually go on any dates really, i think i'm proving my own theory wrong ....... Perhaps i should just give someone a chance but in reality I don't seem to be able to do that .... and well I'm destined for a lonely life alone!!!!
I suppose it boils down to the fact that i do to this day believe when the right person asks me out on a date, i'll know ..... and what's the point in wasting time on the wrong ones, when i could be focusing on my life and achieving stuff and doing things i want to do until that time ........
BUT then again ........ what if i am totally wrong & if i could grow some balls and actually ask the one person out who's been sitting on my mind for a while now, perhaps there would be a completely different subject matter to write about ............
Now theres some food for thought!
x
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