Right so this installant of my life this evening is about dating ...... because the thing is today I've been asked on one I think, and well typically I am sitting here in a right quandary about it, mainly because I am not entirely sure i want to go (which if I'm honest is a problem that seems to be consistent in my life)
So I've decided that I would try and explain what exactly goes through my head & what this exact situation with this bloke is all about.
Firstly can I just explain to you about this fella ..... I've sorta known him on and off bout 9 months, and well at the first instance i wasn't that keen then, but i knew he kinda was, but you know what its like the texting and calling like anything dies down - and in all honesty i am completely incapable of asking a man out - i will explain more about that later .... then i lose my phone and all the numbers with it, and i didn't actually save his number in the first place ..... So randomly 2 weeks ago i am in the gym and a whatsapp appears on my phone, i naturally respond 'who is this' and then the conversation starts, although i am still not really bothered but i'm just going to carry on talking as well i want to be polite you get me? Anyhow, as always these things kinda progress and he requests me back on facebook (previously deleted him during a huge friend cull) so i kinda think errrm ok i will accept you, but he's on complete lockdown - therefore not able to see any of my photos, because there are just some people i don't want to see all my photos on there, for very specific reasons ..... This bloke is older than me ( i know miracle right) and well when i think about some of the things i i like to do and places i go, i'm just not sure we have anything - and i mean anything really in common. But he's got a good job and obviously isn't a child, and built like a man should be ...... but something just isn't clicking in my head here people.
Anyway i'm side tracking i need to explain this whole lets go on a date thing - so from facebook, he's got my skype addy and added me there, so i accepted him and well he's spent considerable time talking to me on there, and in one of the first proper conversations in ages he explains that he has recently been 'dumped' - so naturally i ask 'how long was u together' blah blah blah, and he tells me 2 weeks .... 2 weeks?! are u actually fucking serious, anyway look who am i to judge - so i well humour the conversation ..... he explains to me that he is a bit gutted because he did quite like her quickly and all that, but as women often do, she just wasn't feeling it apparently..... So already in my head i'm think oh he's been dumped so what does he do, oh he makes contact with me .... Well please let me just say i do not play second fiddle or am anyone's second best everrrrr .... so i am already sceptical about the while thing, plus with not being 'sure' now he's asked me out today well i just don't know what to do.
So here's the thing ... is it right to go on a date with someone that your 'not sure' on in the hope that going on the date will make you like them, or is that a waste of both parties time ... because that's kinda what/how i think what is the point of going on a date with someone in the hope i might fancy them after? Surely you shouldn't have to force yourself to like someone?
I've got this firm belief you should immediately be attracted and fancy them immediately ....... there is zero point in wasting your time of your not sure because then you have to have that bloody awkward shall we go on a second date scenario and then i would have to say 'no'
On the other side of this though, what if my thoughts / beliefs are actually wrong ..... Please don't get me wrong, this particular guy could not be introduced to my friends, as there literally would be no common ground & i think its very important for any potentials to be alright fitting in where applicable with your mates, and also if i'm completely truthful I very much doubt i will be telling him some of the things i like to do, and have done previously, which can't be good .... As i can't really be myself ?! I hope i'm making sense with what i'm saying here.
In my life i have never been capable of actually asking anyone on a date myself, is this slightly strange? I'm not so sure, all my friends say if there's someone i want to go on a date with don't wait for them to ask, get in there first but honestly i don't think i handle rejection very well which is why i've never actually done it myself - i know this might seem a little strange coming from someone like me, but truthfully i am useless .... and well if i actually fancy someone god help myself, i turn into a 15 year old school girl and actually just end up basically being mates with everyone because that i find easy to do. The thing is too, i don't often really fancy someone or anyone actually manages to really get my attention - it happens very few and far between ..... Like everyone i love the thrill of the chase, and this might be a horrid thing to say and love life suicide but 'what if there's someone better' ALWAYS goes through my head .... Now considering i don't actually go on any dates really, i think i'm proving my own theory wrong ....... Perhaps i should just give someone a chance but in reality I don't seem to be able to do that .... and well I'm destined for a lonely life alone!!!!
I suppose it boils down to the fact that i do to this day believe when the right person asks me out on a date, i'll know ..... and what's the point in wasting time on the wrong ones, when i could be focusing on my life and achieving stuff and doing things i want to do until that time ........
BUT then again ........ what if i am totally wrong & if i could grow some balls and actually ask the one person out who's been sitting on my mind for a while now, perhaps there would be a completely different subject matter to write about ............
Now theres some food for thought!
x
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