Boy Meets Girl .....

Right do you know what the main purpose of this evenings Blog isn't to tell / bore any of you with what i've been up too lately, because to be honest its been pretty much a much of a much - Gym, Seeing my pals, Having a little Drink - generally just being me ...... But its to discuss the fact that the whole Girl Likes Boy, Boy Likes Girl situation seems to have actually lost it's meaning / importance in society today and quite frankly (and i am happy to speak on half of all women here) i am siiiiiiiiiiiiiick of it!

Ok so here's the thing ..... and i am going to put it REALLY simply : Relationships / Dating are Important ...... Games aren't.

In the last few weeks i could real a list as big as my shoe collection of females i know who have (for want of a better word) been mugged off by men ..... And the women that i know believe me are sorts .... proper nice girls (and if i'm completely honest i am going to include myself in this group too) and i am literally sitting here right now wondering what the hell has happened and why does this repeatedly happen to such amazing women.

Weirdly, it all seems to follow the same pattern (i can only assume its because the men want a shag - which boys, seriously if thats what you want, there really is no need to be keen - just be upfront!) you know the bloke is keen, the girl clearly fancies him, blatant severe flirting a date or 3 loads of texting, the odd drunken phone call, affectionate behaviour, none of this getting past 1st base malarky ..... and then BANG ...... SILENCE ....... Anyone care to share the light as to why?!

Of course i am generalising, because thats not textbook ... sometimes theres the ones who promise you dinner and romance when all they want to do is get you naked in their bed ..... note to any woman who has done that before £100 has been spent at a boaty restaurant ...... LEARN FROM IT! Sorry if i sound harsh, but if he expects sex and nothing else, you might aswell get a nice dinner out of it ....... Not that i am condoning this behaviour, but i like most women am sick of being treated in a bad way ......

One of my closest friends was due to be going on a date tomorrow night to a really posh restaurant - his suggestion i might add now isn't going ..... because this 30 year old man has decided since sunday to not call / text or reply to her .... when prior to this he was ringing, texting her practically everyday ..... She met him down the pub last Friday and ended up staying round his where he tried NOTHING on with her and was nothing but a gentleman to her, and since sunday hes completely gone on the missing list ...... Keep Your Poxy Meal MATE! I feel bad for her as he was giving out all the right signals and she wasn't too ott with him, nor was she pushy or asking anything ..... WEIRD ..... men!

Then there's the other few who have seen blokes a few times and both parties clearly like one another, so what happens .... oh yes a nice game of text tennis commences, average game lasting 12 hours ....... I don't get it ..... if you like someone why wait 90734507690746 hours until you text them back?! Again, anyone care to explain it to me .......

Now you would think that the men i am generalising about here were how old .... 18?! No ..... sadly the men i know and my friends are involved with are in the mid-late 20's and early 30's ......

What has actually happened?! Are relationships just not that important anymore, or are we all just on the look out for 'something better' so we keep our options open?! I literally have no clue ..... and nor do i think this is a one way street, because i know a few women who behave like this ...... but seriously I am getting really disillusioned by meeting people, getting involved based on events that happen around me daily to both myself and my friends .....

I went on a brilliant first date last week, with what i thought was one of the nicest men ever ....literally proper keen he was on the text all the time before during and after and then Sunday after he buckled himself he's not so much as bothered with me ....... And sorry but i am not about to go chasing him! I've got too much of a life going on to be doing all that ....... Although Tell me something - do men want to be chased?! Literally i've got no clue, and i know a lot of my friends feel the same ..........

Now don't even get me started on the ones who clearly want to have their cake and eat it, but because they have got morals, they can't do the dirty on the girl they are seeing ...... I admire the honesty there and respect ..... but seriously drop me out! Because it makes it even harder to dislike you, yet makes you seem almost like a model man ...... which techically doesn't exist in my book.

I am sitting here just thinking perhaps this crap internet based world we live in has actually killed the importance of dating and relationships?! because i remember when none of this was around us how much simpler life was ........... If i wanted to play games i'd of been a competitive athlete or something ....... If all men want is a bunk up don't promise us the world .... you really don't need to, be upfront about it, you might be surprised at what you get ...... and if you say your going to go on date 2, or take some amazing girl for dinner, then do it ..... and don't take 4874646868787 hours to ring or text her about it, because women only tend to get in a mood if you break a promise ..... if you haven't said lets go for dinner on friday, then she won't get in a mood ..... it really isn't rocket science you know!

I'm not gonna go on any longer .... i think you get the point i'm trying to make .... and for any amazing men who don't fall into this category, like some of my boy pals .... Sorry i dont mean to offend you - but the women in your lives are VERY lucky to have you!

X

So This Is Where I've Been .......

Feel like i've not written a proper blog in ages, and i've been saying that i need to write some shizzle about what i've been up to etc .... which if i am completely honest hasn't been that much really - i'm turning into a right bore of late & feel like i've just been working working working with some Gym thrown in for good measure.

Ok well then maybe thats not all i've been doing but it actually feels like that right now.

Currently I am not watching the Brit Awards, slightly fuming that its on at the same time as Big Fat Gypsy Wedding to be honest like i can't quite believe it clashes, but i have been religiously watching the gypsys for my own wedding inspiration  ...... Yes okay i'm joking, but I am defo going to Appleby 2011 - someone must want to grab me surely?!

Right so what have i actually been doing - well i am morphing into part of the fixtures and fittings of David Lloyd - I am spending 5 days out of 7 down there and if i'm honest, i'm not really seeing the results as yet, however i am well aware that rome wasn't built in a day & if you saw the photos that i made Emma take of me 3 weeks ago you would understand that i am very much a work in progress .... However i've made a lot of positive changes to my lifestyle, as i said i would at the start for this year ... Most people go on that whole i'm on a january detox i did say that it wasn't like that for me, i am on a lifestyle change .... and i can honestly say its been the easiest thing i've ever done ..... This year so far i've given up drinking like a fish, staying out all weekend with no sleep, crisps & just generally eating badly ..... I'm not saying i'm perfect because there is sa lot of room still to make more changes but i feel like i am on the right path to hit 30 and look and feel better than ever before.

However, i am not an angel and i still managed to go out Sunday and show exactly how over qualified i really am for a starring role in Booze Britain .... its okay though as i've spoken to my PT this evening and he's explained to me that drinking once a month is absolutely fine he even actually said to me just make sure you get totally bladdered ...... So once a month it is then! hahaha

Oh yeah the date i was going on, well he's not around still as is busy with work etc but i think he's home at the weekend which means ive gotta make my mind up .... but how funny is this, theres this other bloke who i royally, and i mean royally messed around over the summer last year and if i'm honest i don't really know why i really messed him around when i look back on it now, because he was nothing but nice to me ... Well anyways after reading the section in company magazine about dating and how even bad dates are good i think ive decided that i'm gonna defo go out with no1 .... and weirdly the bloke i messed around last year  i've also decided i want to go out with him too ..... i was really bored at work last monday, and i've got him on my msn, so for once in like about 8 months i logged in and decided to talk to him and say hello - i would of actually text him if i didnt lose his number when i broke my phone but couldn't ... anyways sure as eggs are eggs he gave me his number again ... i've not seen/spoken to him since last august & for some strange reason he's still as keen to actually take me out ... Well he was, and i rang him up for a chat the other ight and we agreed to go out last friday, which actually never happened, we had to reschedule it as he had to work ... Yep yet another music / industry type (when will i ever bloody learn) and no before anyone asks i didn't get moody or peeved about it because unlike most i can accept that duty calls and sometimes you can't help it ..... So we've rescheduled ... but since then he's done a really (and i mean really) terrific (god i love that word) job of making me want to text him by being 'busy' most of the time ....... My natural stubborn streak won't give in ... but seriously hats off to the chap for getting me interested by playing me at my own game!!!

Valentines Day ............. what a croc of shite! for the record though i had THE best valentines day ever - woke up without a hangover, which i clearly deserved to actually have, work went off without a hitch, i had a brilliant work out down the Gym & then 2 of my girls both come over and we all had dinner together, however they come over because their divvy boyfriends managed to ruin Valentines Day for them by just being unthoughtful typical men. Personally i've never been a believer in Valentines .... I believe in the business brain behind it that rapes the consumer market and makes a lot of money ....but really do you need a specific day to make an effort to show someone that you love how you feel .... NO is the simple and short answer .... However i'm not gonna lie to you, i've always said to my previous boyfriends in regard to V-Day ... 'Save your money its my birthday in 7 weeks and i'd much rather you use the money for that to get me something better' .....

My friend Max has surprised everyone and flown home from Oz a few months early, he told me middle of last week and i was buzzing with excitement and bursting to tell everyone, but i was sworn to secrecy and i managed to hold it all in ... was the most random moment on sunday when i saw him tho i nearly suffocated him where i was cuddling him so much! totally smothered him!!! :-) it was a great day and he looks amazing and its brilliant to have him home, for however long that will be and that i can honestly say has been the highlight of the last 2 weeks for me as i literally haven't been out the house ..... Raving shoes are defo in for 're-heeling' currently!!!!!

Feeling REALLY REALLY happy right now, healthy body / healthy mind and i'm doing lots of work on things i want to do right now .... Stacy has told me I need to write more - not specifically about my life like in these blogs, but i was showing her some of the things i've written before, some which is fiction, some which is personal about stuff / events and some is just some PR Blurb ..... So i think i am going to do it - write more that is but i am going to start off with writing about things which make me feel uncomfortable .... Once i've tackled this, i might make it public viewing so if people are interested they can read it ............ The other thing i'm working on is my CIMA qualification ... its about time i actually stop dragging my sorry arse and get into gear with this, because it just makes sense ..............

Anyways, enough with the word vomit for one night, i think i've rambled enough! I'll have some more to write about i'm sure by the end of the week, as a little opportunity presented itself to me today and i'll probably be dying to tell you all about it by Saturday!

Happy Tuesday Boys and Girls

Love From ME! xxx

Date Anyone?!

Right so this installant of my life this evening is about dating ...... because the thing is today I've been asked on one I think, and well typically I am sitting here in a right quandary about it, mainly because I am not entirely sure i want to go (which if I'm honest is a problem that seems to be consistent in my life)

So I've decided that I would try and explain what exactly goes through my head & what this exact situation with this bloke is all about.

Firstly can I just explain to you about this fella ..... I've sorta known him on and off bout 9 months, and well at the first instance i wasn't that keen then, but i knew he kinda was, but you know what its like the texting and calling like anything dies down - and in all honesty i am completely incapable of asking a man out - i will explain more about that later .... then i lose my phone and all the numbers with it, and i didn't actually save his number in the first place ..... So randomly 2 weeks ago i am in the gym and a whatsapp appears on my phone, i naturally respond 'who is this' and then the conversation starts, although i am still not really bothered but i'm just going to carry on talking as well i want to be polite you get me? Anyhow, as always these things kinda progress and he requests me back on facebook (previously deleted him during a huge friend cull) so i kinda think errrm ok i will accept you, but he's on complete lockdown - therefore not able to see any of my photos, because there are just some people i don't want to see all my photos on there, for very specific reasons ..... This bloke is older than me ( i know miracle right) and well when i think about some of the things i i like to do and places i go, i'm just not sure we have anything - and i mean anything really in common.  But he's got a good job and obviously isn't a child, and built like a man should be ...... but something just isn't clicking in my head here people.

 Anyway i'm side tracking i need to explain this whole lets go on a date thing - so from facebook, he's got my skype addy and added me there, so i accepted him and well he's spent considerable time talking to me on there, and in one of the first proper conversations in ages he explains that he has recently been 'dumped' - so naturally i ask 'how long was u together' blah blah blah, and he tells me 2 weeks .... 2 weeks?! are u actually fucking serious, anyway look who am i to judge - so i well humour the conversation ..... he explains to me that he is a bit gutted because he did quite like her quickly and all that, but as women often do, she just wasn't feeling it apparently..... So already in my head i'm think oh he's been dumped so what does he do, oh he makes contact with me .... Well please let me just say i do not play second fiddle or am anyone's second best everrrrr .... so i am already sceptical about the while thing, plus with not being 'sure' now he's asked me out today well i just don't know what to do.

So here's the thing ... is it right to go on a date with someone that your 'not sure' on in the hope that going on the date will make you like them, or is that  a waste of both parties time ... because that's kinda what/how i think what is the point of going on a date with someone in the hope i might fancy them after? Surely you shouldn't have to force yourself to like someone?

I've got this firm belief you should immediately be attracted and fancy them immediately ....... there is zero point in wasting your time of your not sure because then you have to have that bloody awkward shall we go on a second date scenario and then i would have to say 'no'

On the other side of this though, what if my thoughts / beliefs are actually wrong ..... Please don't get me wrong, this particular guy could not be introduced to my friends, as there literally would be no common ground & i think its very important for any potentials to be alright fitting in where applicable with your mates, and also if i'm completely truthful I very much doubt i will be telling him some of the things i like to do, and have done previously, which can't be good .... As i can't really be myself ?! I hope i'm making sense with what i'm saying here.

In my life i have never been capable of actually asking anyone on a date myself, is this slightly strange? I'm not so sure, all my friends say if there's someone i want to go on a date with don't wait for them to ask, get in there first but honestly i don't think i handle rejection very well which is why i've never actually done it myself - i know this might seem a little strange coming from someone like me, but truthfully i am useless .... and well if i actually fancy someone god help myself, i turn into a 15 year old school girl and actually just end up basically being mates with everyone because that i find easy to do. The thing is too, i don't often really fancy someone or anyone actually manages to really get my attention - it happens very few and far between ..... Like everyone i love the thrill of the chase, and this might be a horrid thing to say and love life suicide but 'what if there's someone better' ALWAYS goes through my head .... Now considering i don't actually go on any dates really, i think i'm proving my own theory wrong ....... Perhaps i should just give someone a chance but in reality I don't  seem to be able to do that .... and well I'm destined for a lonely life alone!!!!

I suppose it boils down to the fact that i do to this day believe when the right person asks me out on a date, i'll know ..... and what's the point in wasting time on the wrong ones, when i could be focusing on my life and achieving stuff and doing things i want to do until that time ........

BUT then again ........ what if i am totally wrong & if i could grow some balls and actually ask the one person out who's been sitting on my mind for a while now, perhaps there would be a completely different subject matter to write about ............

Now theres some food for thought!

x

Falling off the Wagon

Bonjourno World. ......

Last day of January (errr where the hell did 31 days go?!) feel like blink and i've missed it all - except the piss poor having no money longest month in the world ever part ..... Anyway how are you all?! Hopefully feeling chirpy and not too shabby from a weekend .....

So then, i only managed my 14 day detox didn't i .... not a drop of drink for 2 whole weeks - and yes i am proud of that due to the fact i love a glass .... soz bottle of wine most evenings! However - Saturday night i ended up back in Chelmsford town for a naughty really good little basement party .... and ended up sleeping at my old flat there too, which is quite random - my friend Amy now lives there so had a little preparty there where i didn't just fall off the wagon, but i dived off the wagon and ended up in the gutter before we even left the flat i'd drank half a bottle of baileys, half a bottle of apple sourz and was drinking vodka neat, and then mixing it with lucozade .... Soz about that but if your going to do something, do it in style ya get me ?!

This venue i went to was reamo, not even joking i've been in there a few times but it seemed like i was in a completely different venue, the music was ridiculously good and i was as drunk as drunk could be ... soz but didn't eat did i .... however, what establishment only has 1 yes i said ONE toilet for females ... LOOOOOOOOONG TING!! personally i don't even think 7 toilets for a busy venue is enough for a womens bathroom, so anyway 30 mins queuing for the toilet wasn't on my to-do list do u know what i mean!!! ridiculous ..... so anyways, i don't really remember much else about the night until i woke up on the sofa round my friends house with the washing up bowl next to me on the floor - i know what your all thinking, and i'm thinking the same ... Clearly was paraletic ... So pieced together the night from what Emma and Amy told me i'd been up too .... i went into the bathroom and found my eyelashes on the floor (i know, i know nice) and then in what used to be my old room was all my possessions strewn across the floor ..... god only knows what state i was in, i was guessing from the eyelashes on the floor i'd ripped them off and proceeded to be sick .... to which Amy confirmed - having made her rub my back in order to make myself sick .... how did i end up in such a state ..... and do you know what makes it even worse Amy told me i ate 4 slices of WHITE BREAD TOAST .... fucks sake Trebes, you've been ridiculously good for 2 weeks on eating and then you go and do this to yourself .... my only saving grace was i dragged my sorry unfit backside to the gym saturday morning and smashed all my previous personal bests on all the machines, i really did work myself hard ... so hopefully i've broken even .....

Needless to say, i still don't want to drink, and i am happy that i dont have to drink now until i go to Liverpool in March to see Luciano ... which i am less than impressed that Lewis isn't coming ... bloody DJ's and their bookings ..... Booked my train and my tickets however .... and i'm on Luciano countdown for first event of 2011 ..... <3 <3 <3 <3 I Love Him Don't I !!!! xxxx

Driving back from Chelmsford in my car, which btw i am loving having back,  listening to some tunes decided that i'd pop to Fuse seeing as D.E.S boys were warming up and then Geddes was playing only wanted to go for a couple of hours , see the famalam as you do! So bloody glad i went aren't i ..... it was amaaaaazing from the off .... i love fuse when you turn up and its banging from 3pm ... cos days like that just stay good all day ... and  what was even better, i was driving so it was a sensible sunday for me & i left just before Geddes finished and i think the man is bloody clever!! i never normally pay that much attention when i hear him at Mullet - usually cos my mind isn't quite all there due to one reason or another but honestly he's up there in one of my fave top london DJ's it has to be said .......

Hahahahahahaha ... biggest achievement ever was getting to the Gym for 7am today for my PT sesh (yes i want a medal and what?!!!?!) ... except it wasn't quite a sesh, more a chat a few exercises for my knee and some talk on eating food (proper good food i mean) but let me just tell you this ..... I have never been more disciplined in my life ever as i am right now ... probably something to do with the fact i am paying David Lloyd in excess of £200 a month for my gym membership and my PT ..... Who is a new PT, as my one left, and well 2 sleeve tattoo's how are you ...... jesus i am a sucker for a sleeve tattoo as it is .... i never normally look at the face, just the sleeve is normally enough .... However he is actually bloody brilliant .... he's going to re-do my training plan to accommodate my knee and get it working better and help me get just basically get in shape properly but i actually have learned a lot from him today and i'm bare happy that ive changed trainer to him now too..... I'm not gonna lie to you though i am sitting at work and i am struggling right now .... this insomnia malarky isn't the one i can tell you i am longing for a night like when i used to just lay o my bed at 8pm and drift off to sleep for 12 hours ......

Oh an do you know what ..... theres someone on my facebook who's been messaging me a lot from Chelmsford and you know when u just get this feeling that they want to take you out on a date and you reaaaaallllly don't even really like them let alone fancy them, but you've known them forever so u cant just delete them .... yeah well i've got one of those and in all honesty i need people to understand something ..... i left Chelmsford and everyone in it (except my Mum, Dad and Brother) behind .... and i am not the 15 year old teenager you used to know, so i'm basically just ignoring all these silly little lets have a bet and if i lose i'll take u out for dinner situations ..... HELLO NOT INTERESTED SOZ! And don't you just love it on your newsfeed when someone becomes single ... hahahahahahahaha thats all i can say ...... nothing like airing your dirty laundry in public is there ..... this people is why i will never entertain a relationship status on my facebook ...... its my business not yours .........

Now then while ive been writing this which has actually taken me nearly 2 hours, i've been on skype video to my parents who are at the happiest place on earth (disney in Florida ... i know i'm jel too) and given them a little shopping list which i am now backing up with specific visual instructions so they dont get the wrong stuff ..... you know macbook pro, uggs, anything marc jacobs and some new running trainers et all ...... Hello Macbook pro getting it in america 30th birthday present how are you ......

Better run as i need to send some emails now .... have a good week kiddies and remember, if you cant be good, be careful ... and if you can't be careful, at least get a phone number or remember their name! but most of all .... make it count! hahahaha

xxxx

Day 9 - Still Going Strong But my eyesight is absymal!

Where to start with today's thoughts in my head, hmmmn not really sure but I'm really struggling to see the screen I'm writing this in and its approximately 1 foot away from my head .... this can't be a good sign can it?! I've noticed lately that my eyesight is getting progressively worse ..... Please note, I've just donned my specs again to assist in this blog for a Tuesday.

Actually I don't really mind wearing my glasses, but if it happens that i need to wear them more often than not (which seemingly might be the case) then I'm getting them lasered ... the thought of sticking my fingers in my eyes is making me feel sick to get contacts in. This does remind me i need to ring the opticians, because honestly I'm spending most of the time squinting when I'm not wearing my specs.

Right well what else has been going on in my world ...... Oh yeah I'm now on day 9 of no boozing & let me tell you now, its about 300 times easier than i ever thought it would be, admittedly i am going to get a bit boozy on Saturday night, but overall i am really pleased with the fact Ive not touched a drop - what people need to understand is that my kitchen isn't full of empty wine bottles for recycling, which in previous weeks I've taken probably 8 empty bottles to the recycling in one week ..... i am a wine lover in case none of you knew, but I've been really good and stopped - and also fizzy drinks too they've been pretty much cut out my diet, I've not got any real reason / justification for this little booze vacation Ive been on apart from the fact I'm paying David Lloyd a silly amount of money each month so i thought I'd better make a conscious effort to live a healthy lifestyle all round.

Friday night i went to my friends Toga party - to be honest i didnt' actually dress up & i think that all my mates were really surprised with my good behaviour .... normally i would of caved within 3 minutes of being with my pals and cracked on with a drink and god knows what else .... (told you i wasn't an angel by any stretch of the imagination before) but since I've made a decision to not get on the laughing gas et all again i really have stuck to it ... Kieran was sure I'd leave the house by way of stumbling down the stairs, but i actually dug deep found the will power to not get as involved as i normally would .... and i actually LEFT the party before 1am because i knew i had a lot to do on Saturday, involving a little trip to the gym .... I've got NO idea where this discipline has come from, but honestly i am very glad its there because i actually feel amazing.

I have defo become obsessed with the Gym, I've been 4 out of the last 5 days, now I've always liked the gym when I've got into the routine of going but nothing like right now .... I'm going boxing tonight and then going to Spin on Thursday (probably may not live to see Friday, as its meant to be really hard) and me and the PT work out for once a week too for an hour, now I've only upped the training  / gym in the last 10 days but i am actually really enjoying all that I'm doing now .... one of my good friends told me i need to aim for my big birthday in April to completely transform my fitness so I've thought f**k it why not .... so in my head that's what it is, i want to be double fit by that time ......

David Lloyd on the weekend is amazing ..... I'm sorry to be a typical woman but the men in there are seeeeeeeeriously easy on the eye! i can't help it now I'm trying to work out if the weekend is full of single people or not? i can't quite decide to be honest ..... .... Saturday there was some lovely sights to look at whilst sweating - yes i said sweating - on the x-trainer, but Sunday OH MY GOD ..... I'm sure those who know me have already heard the story of me and the total sort on the treadmill .... who was / is a proper man ... you know built like a man should be (and no i don't mean those beefed up dickheads on the steroids) Miss T spots him whilst I'm on the treadmill, and i sort of laugh to myself and he See's it ... i can't actually tell you why i laughed, i think it was a nervous reaction, but then i ended up on the rowing machine (meant to be on there 10 mins) and he then decides to get on the one next to me - needless to say it was very distracting and off putting to the point i had to get off after 5 mins .... took myself off to the bike that overlooks the weights where all the meat heads go and well My i want to sit on the rowing machine next to you saunters over and gets on the bench press directly in my view .... now I'm not saying any of this was on purpose but now i need to talk to this man and find out his name ... except I'm not gonna lie to you, i don't look my best in the gym now do i, cos i am there for one reason only ... to get fit. But i would really like to thank this bloke for keeping me working hard on the bike, not clock watching on it for once and well i managed 5 miles on there in 14 minutes so i was quite impressed. Probably will actually thank him too hahaha next time i see him!

I am going to Brazil for Xmas & New year .............Sao Paolo first to see my friend who lives there  and I'm going to be away for about 3 weeks, i literally can't wait ... Sao Paolo & Rio De Janiero .... some of the girls are coming out boxing day to Rio so we'll have the best time ever ..... gotta start looking at booking the flights for this little excursion, but I've never been south America and this is going to be something I've always wanted to do !! Copacabana Beach how the hell are youuuuu! So basically I'm knocking all the pointless trips / festivals that I've done to death on the head and seriously saving it for this trip ..... Ibiza Closings is happening though as my best one Emma Rebecca Parr is paying for my flights as my birthday present, shes such a good friend honestly that's a great present .... DC10 closing and Cadenza Closing = happy little Clair ..... you know how much i love Luciano <3 <3 <3

How long has January been .... i seriously can't wait to get some money on Friday when we all finally get paid .... I've not been paid for 6 weeks (probably like most of you) and i have absolutely no idea how / where the money has come from ..... but alas, i will be getting it in one hand and paying it right out the other hand .... I finally last week paid my fine to Tower Hamlets £180 - that was a slap - but i did pay it 3 months late, oh and I've booked in for my speed awareness course in Feb, so i don't actually lose my driving licence or get 3 more points ... sore subject but I'm not gonna moan because I'm keeping my driving licence ...... just need to get my little car back now, because the courtesy car just isn't cool seriously!

On that note, i need to go & file the nail I've just broken ...... it never bloody rains it always pours! GUTTED!

Have a good week ..... I'm sure I'll write some more once I've survived spinning ..... but i am telling myself that it surely 'can't be that hard'

Much Love
Me xx

Facebook, Water, Heating & Light .... thank you David Lloyd

Right I'm on for a midweek (ok Thursday) rant ...... ooopps soz i mean blog!

Do you know what I've actually had the most ridiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiic week all because of simple things we take for granted .... LIGHTING, HEATING AND HOT WATER ...... Well let me just tell you, i will NEVER take such things granted again.

Sorry i'm just gonna go on a tangent, this truth about cocaine is making me feel sick - i really don't need to see septum's bleeding and operations, its making me feel like i want to vomit in my mouth. Anyway back to the thoughts in hand .......

So you know (well i think I've said this before) we've had no heating / hot water or lights since last Saturday, well living in the Arctic would of been better, and at such times like this i thank god for my David Lloyd membership as we've been using their shower facilities ..... But right now my house is hot and the water is warm .... having spent most of my time speed dialling my landlord, him not answering, thus pissing me off even further so i keep redialling him til he answered - it finally worked ..... last night a proper electrician - albeit a polish one - come round to have a look at what on earth has been occurring in the conservatory roof of the kitchen ..... What people you don't understand is that i no about as much about electrics and plumbing as those dickhead boys in my previous blog know about music (NOT A LOT) so who do i turn to in times like these for assistance in knowing what to say .... Yep my Daddy, he wrote me a little note that i had to give to the electrician to read which basically was talking about ring mains heating and lights being wired wrong to each other blah blah blah .... what you lost interest after ring main ... yeah so did i  .... that's my biggest problem, it bores me just effing work already!!!!!!!!!! Well the lovely little polish dude sourced the problem, rewired the boiler to somewhere else (assuring me where its meant to be 'spurred' off something ... yeah again, lost interest again havent' i) The light in the kitchen don't work, but apparently on Saturday it will be ... the lack of light i can live with ... the lack of heat and hot water .... NO CHANCE!!!!

I come home from work earlier to get ready to actually do to David Lloyd for a proper work out and guess what ..... the pissing annoying boiler isn't working ........................... OH MY GOD DROP ME OUT ...... rang my landlord, who you need to understand is probably pissed off with me and how I'm speaking to him right now because honestly my patience has worn beyond thing ..... 20 mins later the little dude (not the polish electrician) who always comes round to fix things appears, resets it and shows me whats occurring and alas it now is OK again ... honestly people i can't even tell you how much i took for granted the simple things we just expect to work

This cocaine programme is really disturbing me .... and the ecstasy one last week that also has too .....  i feel quite sorry for the people that are on these programmes .... don't get me wrong I'm not calling myself a saint not by any stretch of the word but seriously this programme should be a wake up call to a lot of people i know ..... the rat with the shaved eyebrow sitting with his hand on the steering wheel with a pint in hand .... seriously your a disgrace ....

I've set myself a little challenge that (starting Monday of this week) i wouldn't drink until the 29th and so far so good ..... 4 days in and I've had no wine, and by now during the week I'd of easily had about 2 bottles of red wine! The weekend will be the test, especially Saturday night, but as I'm actually not leaving the borders of chigwell all weekend as I'm not going out this should be quite easy .... hahaha famous last words i know but in all honesty I'm actually going to spend some time in the Gym and I'm even going after work tomorrow ... did a nice hour of cardio earlier so tomorrow I'm gonna work on the weights ..... I'm finding the whole not drinking really easy right now too so might as well just stick with the will power and then have a little drink next Saturday when i go back to chelmsford to see some old faces .....

Facebook ............. GOD I AM SO OVER IT ...... I am actually contemplating deleting mine, I've been having various chats with a lot of my mates lately, and we're all feeling the same ..... like i actually want to live in the real world ... not the cyber one, and i am as guilty as anyone else as over using facebook at work when I'm bored (which is a lot of the time) but actually do you know what I'm over it ... i am actually going to stop using it so much now - like i was looking on the news feed the other day and i thought to myself, what ever happened to calling one of your mates to see how they are or what there doing?!?! Facebook used to be great i think, but its over used .... i think its ruined promoters events to a degree ..... whatever happened to good old fashioned flyering for events .... e-marketing is great and this is a useful tool, but i am not joking earlier today i clicked 'not attending' to the same party on 7 events ... all created within about 6 mins of each other ..... that people is excessive, and its more than that too, its annoying ..... my inbox on facebook has about 3500 messages unread in there because people over spam / over message their events ... i more than anyone understand the need to promote your event, but i honestly think facebook has ruined it ..... a lot of promoters and those who are putting on parties now think if you want a good party all you need to do promote it and make people aware of it is to pump it out on facebook ..... so so wrong and i see so many parties or hear about parties not doing well and i think well ive not seen a flyer or a DJ helping to pump it out there but my god I've had about 70 invites on facebook!!!! hahahaha ......

in a nutshell I'm over it, and those who read this who are friends with me on there, will notice my presence on there is a lot less and will stay like that!

2011 is all about making positive changes .... I've got a milestone birthday on the horizon and so far mentally i think i am getting there i feel different, like things are becoming clearer and i want my life to go in a certain direction .....

Anyway I'm off to watch some more Ugly Betty I'm shattered and i need my beauty sleep!!!

Friday tomorrow .... its the weekend, so enjoy it all and whatever your doing .... make it count!!!!! and someone somewhere have a DISCO Dance for me cos I'll be watching Take Me Out whilst eating a lettuce leaf!!

Big Love

xx

Blue Monday

So today is meant to be Blue Monday ..... The most depressing day of the year - Well i wouldn't necessarily agree with that, but today has been a long and boring day, made longer by the fact that i actually got to work earlier than i am meant to be there ...... *note self don't be early for work on a Monday ever again* So amongst all the facebook and twitter updates and then all the general blue Monday chat all over the radio i have actually been quite bored reading about how people are depressed on Blue Monday .... Get over it, its January, it was dreary and miserable in London, but life could be worse .... you could be dying or homeless and not able to update your twitter / facebooks etc ...... Soz if i sound harsh, but you can't argue with the fact that its true .... 

My weekend was a right mixed bag of bad news, funny moments, horrific hangovers and a huge realisation that my Sunday sessions are (as i previously thought) pretty much over ........ Friday night I walked through my front door and within about 3 mins being in the house got a text from my oldest friend in the world to tell me that her mum had a heart attack ..... Not the best start to a weekend you get me ... what do you say to someone .... there just aren't any words .... so i just texted back being positive about it and offering my support and love .... i then rang to speak to my own mum .... who was as shell shocked as me 2bh, but i also made the point of telling my mum how much she means to me .... its not like me to be a negative person on a downer but it has made me think that as im getting older so are my parents & i know things can happen at anytime to anyone of us, but i said at the beginning of the year i was going to make time for the people i care for the most and that news just made me want to do it more. 

I'm currently sitting in a FREEZING cold house with no heating / hot water and no lights in my bathroom and kitchen, lord only knows whats happened but i think in our kitchen we've got some sort of short circuit cos Saturday afternoon, after i played stig of the dump at the local tip, there was loads if little bangs in the kitchen and then the lights kept tripping out .... this continued until i nearly electrocuted myself Sunday morning so i haven't touched the mains fuse box since .... and well lets just say my landlord isn't the best at getting back to us ..... its not even like i can say well we're not paying our rent because thats not due for another 2 weeks .... but im seriously getting the hump now chasing him, if it not fixed tomorrow then i'm calling my own electrician and taking it off the rent ..... haha clair trebes isn't a door mat!!! 

Saturday was a gooooooood day! Me & Emma got rid of loads of crap and rubbish out of our house down the tip, and since then Emma has become obsessed with recycling ... dont get me wrong i do the whole filling out recycling box, but since we saw how much u can recycle there, emma is now adamant we're recycling and splitting the rubbish down even more .... We're not being accused of having a high carbon footprint!!! (my god how old and boring do i actually sound?) i suppose it is important to do your bit i guess ....... 

Ended up going down to my fav local bar sat night again *shock* drinking half a bottle of vodka before i even left the house - i know you dont need to tell me, the fact that it didn't get me even merry let alone pissed means ive got problems .... so obviously got right out of hand down the bar did'nt i - ok not right out of hand but i was bare pissed by the time i left ... the doorman or for the duration of the time (which aint long believe me) i will carry on talking about him MEATHEAD as i will be calling him .... urgh what was i thinking - so i've clearly got that moment out my head .... we had a 5 min chat where he was whinging about his back and how he can leg press 600kg .... seriously?! Bothered ..... couldn't care less, so i come home texted him and then decided to delete his number out my phone ..... i love doing that, deleting someones number so you can reply 'whos this' sometimes i do this even if the no is in my phone, you have to keep people on their toes ...... Besides this doorman is actually from Chelmsford and to be honest that just does'nt sit right with me anyways .... 

My mates are all finally home from thailand .... thank god - minus a monkey i might add ..... and i specifically asked for one to be smuggled home - not impressed!!!!! so we went for a sunday reunion at Fuse .... had a little pre party at home first where about 5 bottles of wine got drunk and i styled Miss Parr - FACT SHE LOOKED BANGING  ....... went and met the usual suspects in the courtyard at 93 feet east - to here some really amazing news .... 2 of my friends are going to become parents!!! <3 They've not been together very long, but they are the most suited couple ever and blissfully in love so theres going to be this whole little person coming along into a happy bubble of friends who will probably spoil it rotten ..... i was thinking the other day how much i'd like a little baby to fuss over (not my own obvs) cos they are great and helloooooo all saints kids section ..... i was saying the other day when i was in there that one day i will have a child who will be better dressed than me .... hahaha

That said tho i didn't really have that much of a good day, ive been thinking for a few weeks now that i am quite over the whole raving scene, and its not because i dont like the music or the people, but i just feel like there is so much more to my life, but all i'm known for is being this person who's always partying and never sleeps ..... Do you even know how much i've enjoyed wearing heels lately rather than living in my military boots and converse .... i very much think i am turning into the kind of person who likes being in my house with my mates round, cooking nice dinners and drinking  .... im not even gonna bore everyone by saying god its weird, its not weird its just what happens as you get older ...... but dont write of the raver in me just yet because i think (no i know) she will still be there for the likes of Luciano appearances and the odd Marco Carola ones too ..... oh and probably dice!!! haha 

Getting my courtesy car tomorrow at last so i can get myself down that gym, i've not been since last weds  ..... I've banned Carbs in my life in the evenings .... i've decided i'm eating too many and getting fat ..... i'd actually love to go on the biggest loser just so i could be in that boot camp .....my god my PT has got his work cut out, but i was very happy that i managed nearly 3 miles on my bike in the gym the other day in under 10 mins ..... the very same session i tripped over myself on the treadmill cos the sort in there was staring at me ..... VERY OFF PUTTING!!! 

Whats on the cards this week ..... Gym , Gym, Mate Date with Stacy, Bit More Gym, Sunbed, chilled weekend indoors and probably a sunday morning spin class ..... kill me now!!! 

Oh and i just want to mention .... Lewi - his blog was rather impressive yet predictable .... but i'm loving the fact i'm starting a trend ....... i'm not even started on this one yet - because believe me once i get going its going to be the funniest thing evs ..... 

Now i'm going to hang my washing up, take off my make up and put myself to bed ...... i am so rock n roll i make myself siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick! 

Happy Blue Monday everyone 

Ciao Bambinos xx